This Is Real, You and Me
by refugeofthemind
Summary: Sam's thoughts when he comes back to realise that the angel he loves has been lost to the hallucinations of Lucifer. -I always never really liked the way episode 17 ended, with Castiel left behind in the asylum. So I decided to add some insight from Sam's point of view. Sam/Castiel


**A/N: I always never really liked the way episode 17 ended, with Castiel left behind in the asylum. So I decided to add some insight from Sam's point of view.**

**So, i've never really written romance and so this is an attempt at it..cringes hope you like and remeber, REVIEW :)**

One minute, Lucifer was grabbing Sam's head, causing unbearable pain, and the next minute, the devil and the pain was gone, replaced by a sudden rush of senses and the realization that a certain fallen angel was sitting beside him.

"Cas?" Sam asked, incredulously. The last time he had seen the angel, Castiel was being sucked dry by the Leviathans. He couldn't have survived that, not the way he was already half dead before the ritual. Yet there he was in front of him, even wearing the brown trench coat that the two brothers had kept with great care in their trunk.

"Cas, is that you?" Sam asked, just to be sure.

But Castiel wasn't responding to him, not really. All he did was stare at Sam, with a look of shock and fear. Sam reached out and with a yelp, Castile leapt out of the bed., running to the corner with his back pressed against the wall.

"What's wrong with him, Dean?" Sam turned to his brother, panic in his voice.

"You don't wanna know…"

Dean was out getting help for Castiel but Sam knew it was of no use. No way was simple medication going to help him, he had gone through the same ordeal long enough to know.

Castile was sitting on the bed, with glazed eyes staring blankly into space. With much difficulty, the two brothers had managed to coax him into sitting on the bed but after that, they couldn't manage to get any response from him.

Sam took a small step towards the bed and when that did not elicit any response from the angel, he bravely sat beside Castiel with only a few inches of space. Back then, Castiel was the one, invading everyone else's personal space but now, Sam felt as though he was walking on eggshells. Any moment, he was sure that Castiel would lose it and start shouting, like he had.

"Hey Cas," Sam whispered softly.

Castiel whimpered and his head tilted slightly, away from Sam.

"No…brother…" he moaned, voice shaking in fear.

"Listen Cas, you gotta remember, he's not real," Sam said, insisted.

At this, Castiel turned to face him, eyes slowly meeting his. With another tilt, he replied, "Not…real?"

Sam grew excited, hope flared a new, he had managed to garner a response from the angel! Surely, this was progress!

"No, not real, he is not real," Sam repeated, to drive those words into his brain.

Castiel nodded a little, with an unsure look on his face. Sam frowned, how was he going to make Castiel believe him?

Tentatively, Sam reached out for Castiel's hand and when he didn't flinch, grasped it tightly.

"This," Sam said, pulling his hand and placing it over his own chest, "this is real. You and me, we are real, not Lucifer, not the cage. Just you and me." Sam said, emphasizing each point.

Slowly, mustering up the courage, Sam leaned his head forward. Castiel didn't respond, nor did he move away. Gently, he brushed his lips against Castiel's. Castiel's breath hitched and a soft breath escaped, heating up Sam's chapped lips. With more confidence, Sam brought his other hand and grabbed Castiel's neck, fingers grasping short black hair. With more force, Sam pushed his lips against Castiel's.

Sam kissed Castiel gently at first, but it soon turned fierce. Sam was reminded of all those moments when he had waned to do this. The first time he met Castiel, he was astounded. The way those intense blue eyes swept over him, the messy black hair that had looked as though it had never met a comb before. Sam was speechless as he first laid his eyes on the angel and was disappointed when Castiel had referred to him as 'the boy with the demon blood'. But slowly, Castiel started trusting and him and talked to him even when Dean wasn't around. Both of them developed a strong friendship that seemed to stray over the line so very often. Sam remembered when he saw the disappointment in those eyes as he released Lucifer, how he had vowed to regain the trust and earn the forgiveness he wanted, needed. He knew he should have kissed him then, we he had agreed to be Lucifer's vessel but he was frightened of the pain he would feel when they had to part ways.

Castiel slowly began kissing Sam back, hands grasping his head, fingers entwining brown hair. _God, he had wanted this for so long._

The kiss ended only when Sam realized that he needed to breathe. He pulled back reluctantly and gazes at Castiel. There was a spark in his eyes and Castiel's lip quirked slightly upward in a small smile. Sam's heart soared and hope glowed in his eyes, maybe, Castiel was stronger and had fought off the hallucinations.

But, as quickly as the smile came upon Castiel's face, it disappeared. The empty look returned on his face and unfocused eyes looked at Sam.

"No, not real, you are not real. Stop…" he whined and curled his body away from Sam, arms hugging his legs and rocking back and forth.

"Cas…" Sam's heart clenched painfully as disappointment filled his chest.

"NO..NO…NO...NO!" Castiel began screaming shaking his head violently, slapping Sam's hand that was reaching out towards him.

Nurses rushed into the room, shooing Sam out. He watched helplessly as Castiel, Angel Of Thursday, was rendered unconscious with a needle and practically tossed onto the bed by the orderlies. He looked defenseless, lost as he lay there in the white garments, looking bare without his familiar trench coat.

That was the image that haunted him every night, the first thing he thought of when he woke up in yet another motel room, far from Castiel. That was what drove him on, researching on cures when he had the time. He was determined to help Cas,get him away from the hospital and the clutched of Meg whom he hated so much. Castiel would be fine; after all, Angels were indestructible, weren't they?


End file.
